Stories — When I Masturbate

The stories below were collected through the publication of the book “When I Masturbate - thirty something masturbation stories from women”, through story circles and our social media platforms, mainly Instagram.

Enjoy!

#39

I remember the first time I felt pleasure down there. I was eight in school, I fractured my foot so I had to sit on a chair. Since I had ADHD I couldn’t sit still so I was moving around a lot and I almost fell off the chair and my clit rubbed the edge of the chair. I asked to go to the toilet, then I touched and touched myself and I orgasmed straight away in the two minutes while in the toilet. I still masturbate to this day.

#38

I can’t seem to be in the moment when having sex. I’m constantly thinking of how I look, what my partner’s thinking (of me), anticipating my next move. The only way I can enjoy an orgasm is while imagining having sex with someone, or someone else having sex. I can’t get out of my head, and that keeps me from being in sync with my partner - we both loose. It’s exhausting.

#37

Once I was too late for my best friends' birthday dinner because I had to come. Again. And again. And again...

#36

Naked. It's just another place. I go here sometimes, get cold if I don't take care, stay as long as I can, let the walls close in on me.

The piss-ants crawl out of the radiator, bump into the window facing the sun. I crush them one by one. How can something so small bite so hard? My big toe pops out of my pantyhose, I have to mend it, shift my weight to the strongest foot before I keep running.

Banjo strings on the internet radio, light, mischievous, noncommittal. A teenage couple strolling along a creek in America's deep south. The girl in her white dress bounces lightly as she walks, changes effortlessly between a march and a waltz, light-light-light-light, dainty-dainty-dainty. Adorable, obedient, soft doll in the sun. I lie on my stomach, on top of the comforter, the other comforter fills the crack against the wall. The boy holds her hand in a firm grasp to prevent her from being blown away. Such a nice, pretty girl. Everybody in town knows her, loves her, protects her. Dainty, dainty, such a good girl. I twist my arm behind my back and lower the back of my hand onto the juicy dome of my ass, invite another hand, the taciturn, no, the landlord, he is always available for a property inspection, especially when it's an inconvenience to me. Such an obedient girl lying here and waiting. Submissive little pet. The landlord has an ass tight as a trampoline and a Sunday school haircut, a wealthy West-end vocal grind and bleached teeth. In his house, no one is allowed to lock the door.

A hand above, the other below as I embrace myself from both sides. All the shapes I can make under the comforters. I weave a hexagonal pattern in the air with my hands like I was taught. Up the jagged spine, out on either side along the ribs cradling my lungs in a basket. A finger jab into the goose bumps between the lowest rib and the upper part of my pelvis. So easy to cut me in half. The landlord pinches me so hard I get the hiccups. The hand plunges down on my belly, pauses while the radio changes to a song with a train beat, cha-choooo-cha-choooo, snorting out the steam. I try out the beat, can it be used, too fast, I can't get there alone.

A chat window pops up on the screen and interrupts the banjo, it's the landlord, home alone for the weekend. Ask nicely, little pet, and I will show you... Another chat window pops up next to the first, the plumber, just millimetres away, at a hotel on the Norwegian West Coast, they don't know of each other. Both want to show me photos of the effect I have on them, manicured nails hold the swelling tool proudly up to the belly, close-up of timid Norwegian foreskin. Look at what will be inside you soon, my pet. Send us photos of yourself, we want tits, we want ass, put two fingers in your cunt and spread yourself out... dainty, dainty, dainty. Take a photo like that, no, use the self timer. Aaaaahhh, so sexy. Where are your hands now? One of my hands continues to type, I have to hold both swellings erect in the tiny chat windows, the piss-ants are biting me, but I don't have time to crush them, I have to get them inside me and me inside myself, all of me up hard as far as I can reach, I only have two hands. Not both of them are mine. Mmmm. How many fingers? Are you wet?

Silence. The landlord's chat window doesn't move, it costs too much to keep him and my hands in motion at the same time. Can't afford to forget the rest of me. An accusing finger jabs into the back of my knee, the dent in my shin, an old soft tissue damage from when I slipped in the pinewood stairs. The bone that connects the leg to the foot. Mustn't forget the small parts, rub them warm, collect all the exterior parts and build a wheel of pain. What are you doing now? I don't have time to explain, too many people in the room. Many, who else? The foot, mustn't forget the foot. The feet are ashamed of being attached to the body. A baby can stick its entire foot in its mouth, eat its own parts, caress, be good to me. Such a sweet baby.

Now I'm lying heavily on top of you, pushing it far far in, won't let you get away, don't move, says the plumber's window. Windy winding. The misty water inside of me comes rushing when others call for it, not when I'm alone. You will do as we say. March, says the landlord, waltz, moans the plumber, each calling for their own beat. I push them down, not daring to taste myself, don't want to chose the beat, but I end up with a six-eight time signature, one-two-three-four-five-six in a whispering gallop. Such a dainty little filly.

Back on my spine, the back of my hands a little warmer now, still below body temperature. Wide circles with my knuckles, both hands pressing me down, but they intercept. Something feels alien. I can't find any more spots on my body that no one has touched. The hands have different temperatures. One of the hands is covered in coarse, green veins and dark hairs, a hint of gold around the ring finger. The hand settles around my windpipe, squeezing a gentle reminder. Steady now. Don't run. Quiet, or we'll take all your air and blow you to blackness. Good girl.

There are too many of me in the room. The hands reject each other, turn numb. I am blown out, slap my laptop shut, kick the comforter against the wall and stick my head between the four pillows. Trickling sounds from the radiator. Inside, the piss-ants shriek with laughter.

#35

I would define my self as a sexual person when I am in a relationship, but if I don't have a partner or if my partner is away, I tend to forget about my sexuality and then I stop wanting sex. Before the age of 24 I didn't masturbate at all, I got my first orgasm at around 19 years old, and then only with my partner. I never really figured out how to climax alone, I tried a couple of times but I guess I didn't have the patience to masturbate without the lure of the illustrious orgasm.

Some years ago I was having a real hard time, I got IBS and was finishing a physically exhausting BA that required every ounce of energy I had. To say it mildly I was not feeling up for sex at all. It was rough on both my partner and myself, and we were in a difficult place. I have always thought of sex as being very important in a relationship, and I felt like a failure when I stopped wanting it.

Unrelated to this I got a gift card for a massage as this fancy and very zen place. I went to get a massage, and it was the most amazingly liberating experience. I cannot even describe what actually happened, but it felt like my lack of sexual feelings were being massaged out right along with all the pent-up physical tension. After my massage I was placed in a lounge area with soft music where I was served green tea. I felt like a new person, my body and my mind were relaxed and I knew that I needed to buy myself a vibrator. I went right out and got a small blue vibrator, then I ran back to my place and gave myself three orgasms in a row, for the first time able to satisfy myself by myself. When my partner came home we had sex and I came again.

I have masturbated regularly since then, going on ten years now. It has become an important part of my alone time. I think I need it in order to be sexual. I can do it with my hands now, but my orgasms are more intense when I use a vibrator.

#34

I need it to wake up.

#33

I’m ten years old horse back riding. Practicing pelvic movements that we were taught. Suddenly I start coming. Can’t stop. Hope no one notices.

#32

I was once stuck in the bathtub for three hours because I couldn't stop giving myself orgasms.

#31

Sometimes I like watching porn when I masturbate. Something that I find is hot - something that does it for me right when I am watching it.

But always! Always! Always when I come... maybe two or three times - I feel so ashamed. I have to turn it off right away and I can’t understand why I would watch this...

I’m satisfied but at the same time I feel shame.

#30

I was breastfeeding my daughter in bed when this feeling started building up in my crotch.

I thrust my hand up against my vagina and came. A bit weird but also somehow very beautiful.

#29

When i masturbate i give the pleasure and i take the pleasure at the same time.

#28

Ok, on a hungover Sunday morning I was lazily watching some dumb movie on Netflix. I was not really paying attention to the movie, a bit on instagram, a bit on facebook, letting the time and maybe the hangover go away. It was sunny and I could not really see the images on the big black screen. The only thing I could really see was my silhouette. A woman stretched on the sofa. I could discern the shape of her breast, her hips, her elongated legs til her feet. I started to be aroused by this picture and slowly started to masturbate on this animated image of a woman masturbating.

I was the actress of my own porn movie as well as the watcher. The silhouette would do what I wanted her to do and I would receive what she was doing.

I came.

I sat back on the sofa, the silhouette disappeared and I continued watching the movie.

#27

I love to masturbate with my egg while my husband watches me and kisses.

#26

I like to masturbate when I’m alone, even if I’m in a relationship I masturbate a lot. I like to lie in bed, naked and let my mind wander. I often think about a scene from a porno that I have seen and I often place myself and my husband in the roles. Sometimes I watch porn. Sometimes I put my satisfier on my clit and relax and let the orgasm come.

#25

Sometimes I just really like to touch myself while I fall asleep. In this case it’s not about the orgasm for me,

it’s just comfortable and relaxing.

#24

I read on the internet that masturbation can increase confidence and that’s true for sure!

I masturbate several times a week and I can testify that it works!

#23

I had never experienced a vaginal orgasm, and I really wanted to, so I bought a "rabbit" vibrator with a rotating 'dildo'.

The first time I tried it, I came vaginally, and I came so hard that the damned thing broke.

Best money I ever spent.

#22

For the first time I was probably ten years old. I didn’t really know what I was doing. I was just fiddling with myself and then suddenly I came and I remember how good it felt. So I kept on doing it and masturbated every night before falling asleep.

And I still do.

#21

I remember that I’ve always played with myself. Because I wanted to understand better how things “worked”, but also because that gave me pleasure in some way. When I was little I remember I had a girlfriend with whom I did experiments, and sometimes tried to imitate some things we saw in magazines, and that “they said” were sexual things. I don’t remember ever having someone talking to me about sex, and not at all about sexual pleasure. In school they talked about reproduction, so we knew that sex could be a dangerous thing. All my sexual education as adolescent came from cheesy girls magazines and 80’s movies like “9 1⁄2 weeks”.

And that somehow formed in me the idea that women were supposed to give pleasure. Also to have pleasure but I still didn’t know exactly how. But for sure it was related with sexual intercourse. I always experimented with pleasure alone, but I remember hearing my father saying that I shouldn’t play with my vagina since I was little. So I began to think it was something that I shouldn’t do, and throughout the years I began to experiencing pleasure when I was in a “half asleep state” and several times I woke up pressing my thighs against each other. At seventeen I decided it was time to initiate my sexual life, so I went to the doctor and asked for a birth control pill, because I thought it was a big responsibility and maybe a condom was not 100% secure, I heard that sometimes they break. So there I was prepared to initiate my sexual life,

I remember it was not painful, but also it was not a pleasure at all, it took what for me seemed like a decade, but finally It was done: I was no longer a virgin. I was only able to think about pleasure after losing my virginity at seventeen. I still now I find it difficult to have pleasure without a partner. Today still I continue to have pleasure by pressing my thighs. And now I can enjoy it. Through the years I’ve been trying to get to know myself better intimately, and some conversations with friends were very helpful to understand what is it like for other women. I remember the day I decided to order a golden vibrator, and my first concern was: is it going to show what it is in the box?

And I still feel a bit awkward when I use it. And it is always difficult to talk about it. Because I always felt little space to express my own sexuality without having to correspond to a stereotype of what a woman should be and how she should behave. Also because I’m part of a generation of women that were raised to be strong, educated, liberated, and totally independent from men. But I still don’t understand myself as a woman to my full extent.

#20

Two friends, maybe about six years old. Got to the point that both of us found it good to massage ourselves down there. We knew nothing about sex, genitals, or sexual orientation. Found it intriguing. She thought it better to massage on the front but I thought it better from behind. Massaged side by side over our clothes in my parents’ double bed. No shame came from this moment and we didn’t divulge our thoughts or discoveries to anyone. Maybe this was between us. Maybe our attention went elsewhere, in the games and lessons of youth.

#19

I remember how long the car ride felt like, still it was only forty minutes out of town. My family and I were going to the cabin.

I only thought about one thing the whole way. It wasn’t long since I started discovering my body. I knew the grown ups did it sometimes, that made it even more exciting, after all I was only nine.

I had been to this cabin before, many times, it was my grandma’s. When we arrived she was waiting for us, smoking in the garden pavilion with some other old people I was supposed to know. My heart was pounding. I had a plan to disappear for a short while. I went to get tissue and put it in my pocket. There were stairs from the kitchen to the sleeping loft where I snuck up to, closed the shutter very carefully and put my ear against it to make sure that no one was following me.

On the nightstand laid a book with a Spanish Fabio and a frowning woman on the cover, the red series. I lay down in the bunker bed and got the tissue out. The tight elastic waistband on my Henson pants caused them to end up on the floor alongside my panties, and a yellow blanket covered my body.

I had started, the tissue was rough and all the rubbing caused paper traces to fly up in the air. I didn’t think much and concentrated on having my body as stiff as possible.

I tensed my thighs and overextended my knees while I was at it. Cold sweat, sore vagina and a cramp in my left, I had come.

I got a bad conscience immediately. Felt a bit disgusting and ashamed.

There was a little blood in the tissue.

#18

I remember how blunt I was and sincere when telling my family how good it felt when I sat astride of the edge of the sofa, that we the family, were sitting in at the moment watching a movie. Shortly after, I realised that I had said something wrong when I saw how the look on the face of my mother and my big sister, and my dad’s laughter, indicated that this was not something one would open up for discussion.

I guess I was about 8 or 9 years old.

From that moment I kept my masturbation and thoughts regarding the topic to myself. I was young when I discovered what masturbation was and it has, fortunately, regularly been a part of my life since. However I was “old” when I discovered that I didn’t have to feel ashamed for the fact that I masturbated. It’s probably because of Samantha Jones and her girlfriends i n Sex and the City that my girlfriends and I admitted to each other that we masturbated and had done so regularly for a long time.

Before that we had actually talked down to women that were somehow linked to masturbation. Hence no one in my group of friends dared admitting to doing it. Meanwhile we praised the jerk off culture and completely approved of the fact that our boyfriends at the time jerked off whenever, wherever.

Still today I can see glimpses of shyness and shame when it comes to discussions regarding female masturbation and it sucks.

#17

I didn’t start masturbating until I started having sex. There was a grown man I had sex with then encouraged me to apply myself to do it. He knew I didn’t know my body. So I gave it a go. Master this project like others. I was 17 years old when I got my first orgasm, alone with myself and just in general. I still remember the feeling that poured over me: excitement, ecstasy, relaxation. I couldn’t believe that one could just be doing that alone at home, great entertainment and doesn’t cost anything AT ALL! Fuck cinema, fuck car rides, fuck social life. Just me and my right hand. After this magnificent time together me and my right hand became the best friends in the entire world. After school I would lock myself in my room, masturbate until dinner, eat, back into my room, lock it and masturbate myself to sleep. It was a complete mania. I thought about masturbation the whole day at school and couldn’t wait to get home to be alone with myself. I laugh out loud now. Find it crazy hilarious to recall this. Anyways, sometimes I more or less galloped home. I had no time for homework, hardly even time to eat. I was hooked. Orgasm addict so to speak. This all ended up with a massive tenosynovitis so full of resentment I HAD to take a break. Couldn’t even take notes in school. Ahhhhh good times. But this break I think saved me from my addiction. I never was as manic about it after. But I masturbate everyday ever since. Female masturbation is a dear matter to me and I don’t feel any shame when it comes to it. On the contrary. I’m proud of my achievements and technique in this field.

Today I orgasm very easily, with myself or with a partner. I’m open and sensitive, with a strong pelvic floor (which is i.a. thanks to how often I masturbate). From my informal research (I start the conversation around the topic as often as I can among girlfriends) of women my age (around forty) it seems like they are very lazy when it comes to masturbating and some don’t do it at all. And I have gotten all sorts of explanations for this: it’s silly, pointless when alone, boring, shameful. My biggest surprise is how awkward many find it. To be alone touching yourself. I get sad when I hear this and try to say: Hey, you deserve getting your bodily pleasure in life. Do men own that alone? Are we made to pleasure them, period...or what? Can’t we enjoy without someone else playing a part in the pleasure? Pfffffff...I get the heebie-jeebies. Can’t women enjoy themselves? Nope, they are only supposed to serve and can only get pleasure if permitted to...I wish more women masturbated on a regular basis. It’s healing and salutary for people. Completely necessary for the release of tension. I don’t understand how so many women cope with life without it...I also use masturbation as treatment for migraines. And that I will tell you, was advised to me by a doctor. She was certainly right. It works well, at least so you can fall asleep.

#16

It took me probably a few decades to really get the hang of masturbating. Why? That’s a good question.

Perhaps it was a fear that it was somehow cheating.

But actually I think it was from a deep-seated fear that if I masturbated then I wouldn’t give a shit about my sex partner. They would go crazy trying to give me an orgasm because I couldn’t tell them what worked and what didn’t.

It’s possible I went through periods where I identified more strongly as asexual than as sexual. I’m not sure, I don’t know enough about it. When my sex drive was higher, I found it difficult to keep up with. If I had been unafraid of masturbation, maybe I would have been less of a slut in my own opinion. But since my attitude towards masturbation was kind of slut connected, it was probably irreconcilable.

#15

I started to masturbate as a teenager while taking a bath or in the shower by letting the soft and thick stream from the showerhead do the job. For several years I only used this technique and hence was an extremely clean youth cause I dwelt for hours in the tub. As time has passed I have abandoned this methodology.

Decided in the name of science to masturbate when I got the request to participate in this project and this is what came to mind meanwhile: I remember dying from horniness on a bus abroad and in the end thinking why can’t I just do it here? Not like I would interrupt someone more than if I would simply scratch myself, or have a coughing fit, sneeze or do something else that is natural. When I had presented this weak argument that this was a great idea I laid my coat over my thighs and did what I wanted to do. Despite not being the subtle or quiet type in bed, I remember that it was very good. It’s an art form to masturbate without much volume because the orgasm explodes inwards in a way instead of outwards which is also great. I do this often if I have a hard time falling asleep or if I wake up before my partner and it’s always so good. Masturbation is a collaboration between the body and the mind. Once I and my girlfriend

(we were very close) were discussing masturbation and I told here that I could come whenever I wanted in high speed. She started challenging this masturbation brag which ended up in us having a masturbationspeedcompetition. We were out of town at the moment and in stunning weather we stopped the car that we were driving and each lay down in our respective clearings and I called out when I had won with great difference. I think that if there was a Nordic tournament in masturbation I would probably be sent there. Why isn’t there a Nordic tournament in masturbation, or at least in the Games of the small states in Europe tournament?

The moment right before you come, when everything starts buzzing and you know that nothing can stop what is about to happen, is divine. I masturbate often and regularly and I am very happy with myself as a masturbator. During sex I prefer vaginal penetration but when I masturbate I use my finger and focus on the clitoris. Never really stop after one orgasm but keep on going and make myself be surprised by which one of them will be the best one.

It’s best to masturbate when you are alone at home while the light shines beautifully through the window. I don’t fantasise about sex while I do it but rather somehow merge with the universe. Sometimes I think about people’s faces that I’m attracted to or how it would be to be with them naked playing in the nature, but I’m not thinking about sex scenes. Sometimes I think about very practical stuff meanwhile but it doesn’t bother me for some reason, only I think of it sometimes if other women do the same. I often get magnificent ideas meanwhile for projects and angles to look into.

Love this beautiful invention that the clitoris is.

#14

I have never been able to do anything without thinking of others. It’s at least been a long time since. The first time I was horny for real was also the last time. Heart pounding in my vagina. I was alone and didn’t know what to do with myself. The Legend of the Ice People in my hand, or something else by Margit Sandemo. Twentieth century teenage girls saviour.

So poetic, so romantic. No porn yet. That came later. I missed that experience for a long time. I could never repeat it. Nor what I should have done with it. Touch. I was always shy. And I always tried to fake that I wasn ́t.

When I was a bit older I wanted to come like in the pornos. And I had a bath at my grandma and grandpas. Many times. There the shower head was suitable for masturbation. I did this multiple times. Loudly. While people where home. And I never came.

Now I have a husband that is good to me. We feel good together. It’s not perfect but it’s sometimes good. Life is better. Sometimes masturbation happens. I would like to not think about such things and be a complete spiritual being.

But I want to reproduce more so I have to be active in the vagina.

#13

I used to masturbate in front of a mirror for a period in my life because I was curious to know how my facial expressions were during orgasm.

I made many attempts and finally came to the conclusion that my orgasm look wasn’t anything to feel ashamed of, and as a consequence I relaxed more during sex and came more often.

#12

The first time I had one big time was one lovely afternoon when I was 10. I was laying on the sofa and was watching something on TV. My uncle was in the kitchen talking to my dad, and I could see into the kitchen. Nothing remarkable about it, except that I put the comforter between my legs, just to be comfortable. I didn’t have anything in mind. But then with the duvet like that, this extremely good feeling came, and I couldn’t stop rubbing myself up on it. I thought about going into my room because I could both see and hear my dad and uncle in the kitchen, but there was nothing I could do to stop. And so I came.

Sweaty and red in the face, like nothing had happened.

#11

My life changed when I discovered the Womanizer. I used to almost always use the shower head and therefore only masturbated in the shower but now I masturbate whenever I want, wherever I want, and it’s awesome.

#10

33 year old woman, newly divorced. Goes to the sex shop at night. Stays outside for a long time gathering courage. Goes in, with a rising heartbeat. Realises that she feels more comfortable with making a connection with the girl at the register, less likely that she can see her rapid heart beating.

Buys a vibrating egg.

Gets inside of the car and finds herself excited, horny. Goes home and uses the egg for the first time. Orgasm for the first time!

Is that how it’s supposed to be, to feel like? Wow this is crazy! After that experience there is the longing to use the egg almost daily.

I masturbate, but felt ashamed of it for many years. I started when I was around 15 years old. I was reading an amazing young adult novel (I don’t remember the title anymore) where some more mature girl is telling her friend who has never done it (but who has a crush on a boy and is afraid to kiss him or even be naked in front of him...I connected so much) but anyways, she tells her friend about the showerhead. How to put the jetstream onto her vagina in the tub. I tried it myself. It changed my life.

But to this day, I don’t think I talk about masturbation with my friends. I find this topic to be a line I don’t cross. I can talk about it if sex is difficult or painful, but it’s difficult to talk about orgasms and what is pleasurable about sex.

I’m obviously trying to be more sex positive. And when I say sex positive I mean enjoy my own sex life and feel good in my body. When I was growing up, sex positivity was mainly about being ready to sleep with boys, and the pleasure of the girl was just...whatever. Not necessarily part of the sex. I remember times when I tried to get pleasure out of sex with the boys I was with, and just giving up because they were too impatient. Now I get really annoyed when I think back.

But now I feel good because I masturbate regularly, without any shame. Sometimes I masturbate multiple times a day, at least multiple times a week, and if I want to, I can orgasm 10 times.

I feel sorry for those boys who tried to sleep with me when I wasn’t wet, without touching me properly or thinking at all about my orgasm.

Once my friend invited me to her cabin. We were probably 12 at the time. It was winter and when it got darker we went into the hut tub, it was brand new and had water jets. It didn’t take long until we were facing away from each other with our legs spread holding onto the edge on each side. We found it funny and would have wanted to stay a bit longer that way but we didn’t dare to come.

Since then I have used the shower head.

I was full of misconceptions as a child and teenager, thinking masturbation was evil.

I got into a relationship at 18 and never came during sex and didn’t really know what it was.

Then we got married and started remodelling a house. I was sanding the walls with a sander and had to lean against the wall and then everything started vibrating and “kaboom” I had my first orgasm in this remarkable way.

I tried it again... and again and enjoyed it to the fullest.

But then I stopped using this rough tool, and my husband bought me a vibrator and ever since I have used a vibrator. I have also used my fingers but that doesn’t do the deed - so now it’s the “egg” and I that are having good times together.

I like to listen to beautiful music while I masturbate, with beautiful lyrics.

When I see women masturbate in movies they lie comfortably in bed mantled in their duvet with rosy cheeks.

I myself masturbate facing down and find it very hard to do it any other way. I orgasm very easily with a partner, but it is never as magnificent as with myself, probably because being on my stomach thrusting the mattress is easy for me, but harder to access for others. So I face up when someone else plays with me.

I do get an orgasm for sure but it is never as good.

I remember masturbating for the first time when I was about six years old. I laid on a pillow and rubbed against it. At the age of ten I had started to masturbate on a regular basis.

It’s always been easy for me to orgasm, both alone and in sex with others and I think the reason is largely because I started masturbating at a young age and had a lot of practice orgasming.

Once I broke my toe on my way to the bathroom to clean my dildo.

I was only about five to six years old the first time I remember masturbating. I remember discovering how good it felt and thought it was the most normal thing to do until my mom noticed it and signaled her disapproval with a very strict stair. I felt very awkward and sad, stopped it immediately and felt ashamed. I think that this event really stuck with me since.

After it I only secretly masturbated. I’m not sure if I stopped doing it for a while but I remember as a kid/teenager I did it a lot. In the bathroom, in my room or in the living room when I was home alone. At a point I discovered that I could come over and over and over again and I think that the fact that I did that a lot has to have a lot to do with my ability to achieve multiple orgasms with partners.

I find it best to use my own fingers. I start slowly but then increase the speed and intensity gradually. Once my boyfriend gave me a vibrator for fun when he was going away for a while. I tried it out but it felt very unsexy somehow to use it and to hear the electronic sound meanwhile my fingers are a much more powerful tool to use in masturbation in my opinion.

I have never had any awkward moments while masturbating, except for that first one, which might be the reason why I’m very careful that no one sees me while I masturbate. I haven’t masturbated that much during sex, I don’t feel a need, but wonder if this fear of someone seeing me is somehow influencing that. One side of me finds the thought of my boyfriend watching me as I masturbate very uncomfortable.

I masturbate way less after I met my boyfriend and started having sex on a regular basis. Before I did it a lot, probably at least three times a week, but now I do it very rarely and weeks can pass where I don’t do it, even months. It has to do with not living alone and hence not having these moments where I know I’m alone and no one is watching, being in a relationship and getting orgasms in sex with others also effects it. But I still do it once in a while, when I’m alone at home, and especially to calm down before I fall asleep, also when I have built up tension and stress and need to release it.

I have always found porn rather boring. I start by searching for an exciting video and that probably takes about 15 minutes because all the fucking videos have women that are supposed to be teenagers or have some kind of incest vibe which does not interest me at all. When I find the right one I enjoy it and get horny for about 20 seconds. Then I just find it ridiculous and weird.

When I was pregnant I was super horny while my partners sex drive decreased (at least when it came to me and the belly). I craved for porn and watched it at least two times a day and masturbated.

After I gave birth I have never ever craved porn.

When I masturbate I stimulate the clit, close my eyes and think about my colleagues.